In here, out there, out here

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A distinction was made in my first class on The 3 Laws of Performance that dealt with listening and being in relationship with others.  “In here” refers to me being in my head, in my own thoughts, so I’m not even really listening to you at all, I’m busy thinking about what I’m going to say or where I’m going to have lunch.  “Out there” means I see the other person as separate from me and my job is to convince, persuade, or get them to do something.  I want them to do what I want, with very little if any regard for their wishes and desires.  “Out here” means we’re in relationship, I’m really listening to them with no agenda, no need to get them to do anything, I’m just being with them.  I’m in a state of discovery, of curiosity, or inquiry.  I’m asking more questions instead of doing more talking.  Our homework assignment between classes is to observe ourselves moving from one state of being to another and the impact that has not only on us but on the people we’re in conversation with.  I’ve noticed that when I’m “out here” with my wife, our conversations are more pleasant, we’re more engaged and connected, things are more juicy.  I haven’t had a chance to apply this distinction yet to a sales conversation, but it should be very interesting to see what happens if I can stay in “out here” mode with the potential client.  I’ll let you know.